Friday, August 30, 2013

McDonalds in...McDonalds out {I told you Id use it, Amy!} ;)

Allright - it's hotter than hell here. It's gross. Seriously. I know, I know, it's normal August weather. Still, it sucks. And it sucks the life out of you. All of you. It's not 5pm yet, but you better believe when I'm done with this post {too good NOT to share, I don't care HOW much TMI it is}I'm getting myself a drink.

Here goes. 

My mom {world traveler} is en route to New Mexico to attend her friend's son's wedding. So Libby and I took her to the airport. Great. I got this down. 

Pick up from school. Check.
Pick up mom. Check.
Stop by McDs for Libby lunch. Check.
{No judging here. Cupboard is bare. I trained all morning. No time for healthy lunch.}
Off we go. 

Let me interject. "Libby...do you have to go to the bathroom?" {Asked at mom's house}
"Nope."
"Are you sure?"
"Yup."

{Oh yeah, you can see where this convo is headed}.

And off we go - perfectly fine till Bonner Springs. For those not familiar with Kansas, it's about 15 minutes outside of Lawrence. We left in plenty of time, but we are on a schedule. Mom has to make her flight. 

And let's be honest. Stopping to take a 3 year old to the bathroom is never quick.

But we did it.
Me: "Pee or poop Libby?"
"Pee."
"You sure? No poop?"
"Yup. Thanks for stopping mom. I really needed to go potty."
"Sure thing. Lets go."

And off we go - perfectly fine until we cross border into Missouri. I happen to turn around and Libby looks SOOO uncomfortable. Crying. What is WRONG???

"I have to go POOP, mom! I have to go NOW, mom!!!"

{C-R-A-P!}

Of course, nowhere to stop. A 3 year old practically sweating {which I would blame on the UNGODLY heat but the A/C is cranked up so much that you'd think it was winter in the car}.

"I GOTTA GO POOOOOP MOM!!!!"

Think fast. Think fast.
Where can she poop? 
In a tissue? Nope. My coffee cup? Ew. Is there a random bowl in the back of the van? Nope.

Hmmm, would it be a big deal if it happened in her pants? {I think to myself}. YES!! IT WOULD BE A BIG DEAL!!!

What to use, what to use>>>>>ENTER MCDONALDS HAPPY MEAL BOX<<<<<<<

I looked at mom. She immediately started laughing. We have no choice. We have a plane to catch. No bathrooms anywhere close and this kid NEEDS TO GO!

Ok - lets do this. Mom, stop laughing! ;)
Shoes off Libby. 
"But mom, I cant take my seatbelt off!!!"
"Yes you can. You have to!"
"But I CANT POOP IN THE CAR!!!!???!??!?"
"Yes you can. You have to!"
"But mommy, I dont want to!!!"
"You must. Take your seatbelt off. Grab onto my arm. And squat kiddo."

{{MOM STILL LAUGHING, BUT ALSO HELPING. THANKS MOM!!}}

"Dont laugh at me!"
"We arent laughing. Just poop, Libby!"
"NOW?"
"YES!!!"
"In my lunch box??"
"YES!!"

At first I wondered and asked - Are you going? Did you go???

...
...
...
...
...
And then I knew. No Febreeze was gonna help us here. No way. 
Thank God I had recently restocked the glove compartment with wipes, tissues, etc. Too bad I forgot the air freshener.

Ew.

And all of a sudden, I was glad I stopped at McDs to order her chicken {NOT} nuggets that would taste the same today as they would taste on her wedding day. All of a sudden, what could have been a CARtastrophe simply became a very POTENT poop situation that my mom {again} got to share. The other one, by the way, involved a very newborn Abby at my sister's house. You know how newborns have that - well - interesting - poop? Yeah. mom experienced that one too. 

Never a dull moment people. Never a dull moment.
You can't make this stuff up.

Time to get that drink. Have a great weekend.

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Tracey's bookshelf: read

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Girl Who Played with Fire
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
My Sister's Keeper
Nineteen Minutes
The Pact
The Tenth Circle
Change of Heart
Keeping Faith
Handle with Care
House Rules
More Than It Hurts You
Amy and Isabelle
A Prayer for Owen Meany
A Widow for One Year
The 158-Pound Marriage
To the Lighthouse
Between the Acts
A Room of One's Own, and Three Guineas
The Help


Tracey English's favorite books »
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