Monday, October 11, 2010

The tooth fairy ISN'T REAL!!!!!

How times have changed. See the note above? It's to the TOOTH FAIRY!!! That's right - the tooth fairy!! Abby wrote to her last night after she lost her tooth. 

All I have to say about this is WTH???
Abby has been losing teeth for a few years now, but only lately has she taken upon herself to inquire about so many aspects of the fairy's life. Keely does it too. 

Again, WTH??

It's all because of our neighbor, an only child, mind you, who receives THE MOON whenever she loses a tooth. Oh yeah, her tooth fairy brings her American Girls and volleyballs and $10 bills and she answers all the questions she is asked. 

The tooth fairy, it appears, even has a BED made for her at our neighbor's house. You know, in case she becomes fatigued from all of that flying. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 

Abby is 10. At this point, Chris and I think it would be easier if she just found out the truth - we're ready to THROW IN THE TOWEL!!! So be it!

Here would be MY answers to her MULTIPLE questions (as if the tooth fairy has time to answer all of these anyway!!!):

1.  MY name is mom or dad. I am also known as maid, chauffeur, cook.
2. None of your business.
3. Last time I checked, yes. But I'm contemplating giving one of my kids away (well, maybe two, but we arent talking about Connor right now).
4. I AM EVERYWHERE AND SEE EVERYTHING SO DON'T FORGET THAT!
5. Too many...at $5 a pop...this tooth fairy business is gonna make me go BROKE!
6. No. Don't ask. I will never have any to leave you. Hell, your room is too messy as it is anyway - pixie dust will only complicate matters.

I just hope she never reads this damn blog. She will be crushed. "YOU MEAN THE TOOTH FAIRY IS YOU??????" "Yup. And you know what that means? Now that you know, there is no more $$ coming your way, kiddo!!"

On the other hand...if she DOES read it...no more 20 questions. No more of my precious coffee $$ under the pillow (and I love my coffee). No more of that headache. 

Seems just maybe I should leave the computer on tomorrow and nonchalantly guide her to the blog. Yes, seems like that may just DO THE TRICK!
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I wonder if the same holds true of Santa Claus (who, by the way, has already been told that we do not want her to receive another American Girl.)

Abby isn't concerned - she plans on asking for an iTouch anyway. 
OH, SO WONDERFUL. SO SO WONDERFUL!!!

4 comments:

Elisa B said...

You can tell Abby the tooth fairy IS REAL! I was her! Before Eli and I got married, I was the tooth fairy for the dental clinic and paraded around in a winged get-up to preschools, the library, and a parade once to hand out toothbrushes and read stories about taking care of teeth!

Laura Hodson said...

The tooth fairy used to scare the hell out of me.

Natalie said...

I love how concerned she is with the tooth fairy!

Apparently my sister used to write these long letters to the tooth fairy and she told everyone the TF was her pen pal for like a year. When my mom had to tell her the truth she was so upset!

Bonney said...

Tracey - I am absolutely cracking up at this post! OMG, way too funny!! Keep 'em coming!

Tracey's bookshelf: read

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Girl Who Played with Fire
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
My Sister's Keeper
Nineteen Minutes
The Pact
The Tenth Circle
Change of Heart
Keeping Faith
Handle with Care
House Rules
More Than It Hurts You
Amy and Isabelle
A Prayer for Owen Meany
A Widow for One Year
The 158-Pound Marriage
To the Lighthouse
Between the Acts
A Room of One's Own, and Three Guineas
The Help


Tracey English's favorite books »
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