Thursday, October 15, 2009

so...this breastfeeding thing...


How this comes naturally and easily to some women is BEYOND beyond me! Quite frankly, I think the whole process is a bunch of BS. Not because Im not enjoying it. Not because I want to stop it. On the contrary, I dont. Its a bunch of BS because it just doesnt seem to work for me. CRAP! Thats all I have to say about it - CRAP!

Libby isn't getting all that cute fat that babies are supposed to get. Yes, her doctor is worried and despite me feeding her about 8 oz of formula a day for the last week, she still isnt gaining the weight she needs.
I should practically make my permanent home that God-awful couch we have because that is where I spend a VAST majority of my day nursing her. Still not gaining weight. Sometimes - last middle of the night last night - nursing for about 55 minutes - still not gaining the weight the doctor wants to see.

So why continue? What the heck is my motivation when she isnt gaining weight and needs to be? Why, when I have now been told to give her a bottle after every feeding "as much as she will take," according to the doctor, should I continue trying to nurse?

I'm now on medicine to increase milk supply, but the whole time, I will worry about her getting what she needs. I will dread the doctor visits that are solely requested so she can get on the scale so we can see if she has gained anything.

THIS BREASTFEEDING THING IS NOT EASY. IT'S HARD. IT MAKES YOU WORRY. IT CONSUMES ME - IS SHE OK? IS SHE GETTING THE NOURISHMENT SHE NEEDS? AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG?

Thing is, I dont want to give it up. So Im not going to. I know nursing her is best. I will take the medicine. Feed her those bottles and do whatever is in my power to help her get the best of both worlds.

I have faith it will turn a corner. I have faith that with the help of this medicine, I will produce more and she WILL gain the weight she needs to be that FAT HAPPY BABY!!

I do have faith. But I also have my doubts.
Have I mentioned that this breastfeeding thing is CRAP? :)
Worth it, though. So worth it.
Come on, Libby!! Chunk up little one!!

1 comment:

Michele C. said...

Hey Tracey, have you called the lacation office? They may be able to help more to beef up supply. It has to be a supply problem. You have to be sure that she is still DRINKING at the breast or take her off. 55 min is nothing if it is non-nutritive. At what point does your breast empty, get soft and such? How full do they get? These are questions I have. I have to agree, if I was going to give a bottle after feedings...seems to defeat the whole purpose huh? Call if you want to char more but Holly or Betty in LAC would have more advice for you if you want to be successful. Honestly, you just have to feed her and WHERE the mild comes from isnt the biggest issue. Stop beating yourself up...you have been doing a terrific job!!!

Tracey's bookshelf: read

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Girl Who Played with Fire
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
My Sister's Keeper
Nineteen Minutes
The Pact
The Tenth Circle
Change of Heart
Keeping Faith
Handle with Care
House Rules
More Than It Hurts You
Amy and Isabelle
A Prayer for Owen Meany
A Widow for One Year
The 158-Pound Marriage
To the Lighthouse
Between the Acts
A Room of One's Own, and Three Guineas
The Help


Tracey English's favorite books »
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